Back in Action!

 It's been two years since I've travelled internationally, and five years since I've written a blog. Sometimes you need a break from things, even a forced break, to realize how much it means to you. Between 2019 and 2021, my world did some somersaults, shaking me off balance and causing me to re-evaluate and recommit to the things in my life. 

Although not exactly by choice, taking two years off of traveling with CGA gave me the space needed to remember why I love this work and why it is so important to me. I was given time to work on my business, my mental health, and enjoy summers at home. 

In April, we went on our first service trip to Nicaragua. Our group was full of fresh faces and open minds. The school of El Tambo was bustling with eager students and apprehensive, excited teachers. Each day, our group grew more comfortable with their roles, their students grew more confidence in their English, and the teachers gave over more control. We immersed ourselves in the culture, taking in every little lesson we could from these amazing people. Our volunteers took their feedback and used it to improve every lesson they taught. On home visits, we sat with our students' families and learned about their lives. They told us about their struggles, their triumphs, and their hopes for the future. It was no surprise that their loved ones were the most valued parts of their lives. 

As the week rushed by, we all became more attached, more invested and more in love with everyone we met. We cried for Yahaira, who had never seen her children's faces clearly. We celebrated with Jose Daniel as he spoke of the success of his latest surgeries. We listened in awe as Guadalupe explained the strength of her community and the things they accomplished together. When the final day of school came, no one was ready to be finished, the endless opportunities for learning lay before us like an unexplored landscape. Games were played, prizes were given, laughs were had and cultures were shared. We began the task of fundraising to tear down a dilapidated building, repair broken desks and bring back to life a few swing sets. We were able to raise over $2000 for these items with an online fundraiser, so thank you everyone! 

Being back in this element made me realize how much this is a part of who I am. I live for these experiences, this connection, these breakthroughs and all the people I meet. I feel present on these trips, completely in the moment, immersed in every lesson and every smile. The joy of our students radiates through me, the sorrow of the families who struggle, the pride of our volunteers as they master their lessons. Yes, I get to travel the world; yes, I get to experience unique opportunities; but these trips are so much more than this. These trips are about connection, appreciation, humility and greater humanity. These trips are about opening our eyes and our minds to all else that exists beyond ourselves.

Writers Block

I have started and not completed so many blogs. I struggle to put my emotions and  experiences into words this summer. I have had moments of extreme bliss. Happiness that fills my heart to the brim and overflows into every thought and action. I have also felt paralyzing frustration. Anger at the unfairness of this world. The opportunities not given to those who are most deserving. The chances at a better life turned down because of laziness. I have to accept over and over again that I cannot save everyone. I cannot take away the pain and struggles of others. I cannot fix every problem. I have seen my own challenges mirrored in others. I have had to cling to my compassion and empathy like a life raft, to uphold the positive nurturing environment we strive to create. The stories will come. The glimpses into my experience and the lives of others will be shared. But for now, this is all I can give. 

Beautiful babe

Beautiful babe, may the suffering you endure pale in comparison to the moments that light up your eyes and feed your soul. 

Beautiful babe, may your trials and tribulations teach you lessons that broaden your mind. May your hardships give you empathy and compassion that connects you to all living things. 

Beautiful babe, may your smile explode the hardened hearts of the broken. May critics fall into the depths of your ever watching eyes and see the truth. The truth of love, connection and compassion. 

Beautiful babe, may your heart be broken open, so your light can radiate to the ends of the earth. So your love can wash over every being who crosses your path. 

Beautiful babe, may you change your destiny, may you change the world. 

For Cody/Wodey/Bode

One of the hardest things I see in the countries I visit is the mistreatment of dogs and the amount of strays. This may seem ridiculous, considering the amount of human beings who live in squalor, but I can relate to the struggles of the dogs. The struggles I have experienced are much different than those of the people I have met. I do not have a child to understand the pain of watching your offspring starve, and have a dim future. I do, however, have a dog. Charlie Brown is my pride and joy. He relies on me for food, water, exercise, potty time and love. I give him all these things to the best of my abilities. He sleeps by my side every night. He is my companion and comfort when I am sad. He is my everything.

To see dogs on the side of the street, eating trash, breaks my heart. Infected with mange, their hairless, wound-ridden bodies shrink away from humans, for fear of being hit or kicked; a learned reality for a street dog. I think that is the hardest part for me. Not only are these animals living a drastically different lives from our dogs back home, but they are also being mistreated. I do not expect struggling people to worry about the welfare of animals when they are barely surviving themselves, but I do expect people to respect other living things and not abuse those less capable. Humans have the gift of choice, to make changes to their lives, whereas animals rely on instinct and the goodness of humans to survive.

As the Buddhist Master Cheng Yen says, "All lives are equal and therefor deserve to be loved and respected equally... The spirit of a dog can be just as noble as the spirit of a human, or even more admirable."

Cody/Wodey/Bode, the most loving of all street dogs. 

Your Choice.

My heart hurts with the senseless violence in the world today. Whether ignited by religious fanaticism, hatred caused by a sense of wrongdoing or a lack of tools necessary to cope with the struggles life brings, there is no excuse. The constant killing of other human beings leaves me feeling defeated. What is the cause? Why is there so much hatred in the world?

Every morning upon waking, we are faced with a choice of how we will approach our day. We can approach our days and all situations and people with love, or fear. We can face each challenge with negative attitudes or positive ones. If you react to a negative interaction with more negativity, the cycle continues. If you react to a negative situation positively, or perhaps do not react at all, then change begins to occur. To project pain, sadness, anger, hatred and other negative emotions on to another person is like handing them a vile of poison. When you are the receiver of this vile, it is your choice what to do with it. You can choose to drink the poison and let it kill you; you can pass the poison on to another person; or you can set it down and walk away.

The hatred and fear in the world must stop.
The blame must stop.
The retaliation must stop.

Am I being unrealistic? Is it unrealistic to think that every human on Earth could use more love and positivity? Is it unrealistic to believe humans have a choice in how they handle the life they are living? Why are we more willing to add to the pain and hate of the world than add love and healing? I think the attitude of, "I cannot make a difference" must end.

Does a pebble thrown into a pond create only one small ripple and nothing more? I do not think I am being overly optimistic when I say we can change the world. However, it will take work. It will take seizing every opportunity to choose positivity and love over negativity and fear. It will take tabling judgement of things or people you do not understand. It will take diffusing your own anger, fear, and negativity; choosing love, positivity and peace, whenever you can, which is always.

Education and Hard Work

This is the first day of our last week of teaching, and I am finding it hard to keep myself together. Last year was our first year teaching and I felt like I kept myself distanced. I wasn't sure what would happen in the next year of my life and if I would come back to Morocco. I didn't want to fall in love and not be able to return to see the kids. I thought I would do better if I kept a safe emotional distance.

Now I am here again, seeing old students and meeting new students. Listening to their stories, seeing their enthusiasm, expanding their minds. The passion these children have for learning English blows me away. They are here, at school, on their summer break, taking classes, during Ramadan, fasting and learning. They are extraordinary.

They face such large challenges, every day, to survive. Nearly every parent we meet is thrilled to have their child learning English, as it is a way out of poverty. These children will care for and support their entire families.  After working at an American school and seeing great teachers and education taken for granted, I am refreshed by our Moroccan students attitudes.

I cannot blame the students in the US. I did not value my education when I was in high school. I feel like the value is only recognized when one is being saved by education. Education is commonplace in the West. Teachers are not treated as the heroes they are, but as lowly civil servants. Many American children do not see education as a solution to problems. It is not what we are taught.

The solutions to mainstream American problems are fame, fortune, political blame and lawsuits. Success is shown to come from athletic prowess, physical beauty, and drama. High school dropouts with teenage pregnancies drive nice cars and grace the front pages of magazines, while researchers in labs curing diseases go faceless and nameless. Ignorant people blame their illnesses, stupidity and lack of common sense on large corporations and receive settlements to last a lifetime, while our youth's educators work multiple jobs and careen towards burnout.

I don't know where the problems started, or how our society can fix them, but the reality is that the majority of our youth would rather be YouTube stars than increase their intelligence. Why work hard when you can become an internet sensation?

CGA 2017

This year has not been very easy. Surgery, stress, insomnia, chronic pain, medication and an overwhelming sense of confusion. Through all this, a major component pushing me forward was my summer travels with CGA. In the month leading up to our departure, I felt financial stress, heartbreak anxiety and sadness, which I feared would negatively affect my ability to approach these trips in top form. My emotions shifted from excitement to sadness and back, moment by moment. The morning of departure, I woke up to 5 missed calls; my flight had been shifted 3 hours earlier. The day of travel continued on a less than ideal path with missed connections and lost baggage.

Upon arrival in Rabat, we walked down the familiar streets of the medina, past Riad Kala, where Lisa Marie and I stayed our first trip to Morocco, to the MCAS riad down the way. We settled in and as I crawled into my familiar bed, I began to feel a sense of calm. When I woke up the next day I could not be more happy. The fear and stress faded away, I felt like I was back where I belong. Here's to the Children's Global Alliance summer of 2017!