So Long, Farwell

July 13

Most of the kids live at the orphanage, but some of them live in the slums, so there is a chance that I will never see them again.  A lot of the kids at the orphanage have family members that live nearby. I don’t understand why they don’t try harder to take care of them. YoMa’s dad comes by the orphanage at least once a day to give YoMa money, or take money from him. It seems that he doesn’t have a job, or really try to get one. Some of the parents have HIV or Tuberculosis, so it’s a little more understandable why they give their kids up to somewhere safer. 

July 14

The last few days have been so sweltering, no rain at all, which has been hard. We headed to a 3 story book store to buy gifts for the kids. Jamie and I got all the kids notebooks, pencils and pencil sharpeners. I bought a few of my favorite kids; Lavit, Lavin, Srey Neath & Heang, English-Khmer dictionaries.They may have hated them, but I wanted to encourage them to continue to learn english. I also bought some lesson books for the school to use.  

July 15

Our last day at the orphanage was Sunday. The morning was fun, we went to the market to get last minute supplies and dinner for the kids. We played all morning, making bracelets, volleyball, drawing pictures for each other.. At one point, Srey Tok came up and wouldn’t let go of me. She walked me to the girls dorm and started to cry, which of course led to me crying as well. 

The kids prepared a traditional Khmer dance for us, complete with costumes and makeup. It was so amazing!! They are all so adorable and dance so well. Even Sok Heng, who was in the seats watching with us, stood up and started dancing. Rath, Nirot and Heun preformed some hip hop dance numbers for us, which was amazing. They should all be backup dancers, or America’s Next Top Dance Crew. After they were done dancing, we all got up on stage and danced our butts off. Niroon, Sok Heng and YoMa did little breakdancing numbers, we danced as a group. It was such a blast. Our kids had bought sparklers, confetti shooters and party hats, so everyone was decked out to the nines. 

For dinner, the kids were made fried chicken with corn. Seeing them eat until they were full, which never happens, was so thrilling. 

After dinner, the mood changed to a more somber tone. Slowly kids started to start crying and hugging like their lives depended on it. I thought I could stay strong until I got in the tuk tuk, but seeing all these sweet, happy children so sad was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to see. Some were more hysterical than others, some held it in until our final goodbyes. Little Lavit just held my hand and sat in my lap, he didn’t start crying until the end. Lavin even told me, “I’m going to cry, and I don’t want to.” Nirot went around making fun of everyone who was crying, yet as we walked to the Tuk Tuk he wouldn’t let go of my hand. Srey Pi, Srey Tok, and Heang were sobbing, which made me cry even more. It was so hard, because I never wanted to let go of them, yet there were other kids I wanted to say goodbye to. 

For me, knowing that I will be back to see them within a year, was a comforting thought. These poor kids though, even though I told them I’d see them next year, for them, they believe they may never see me again. It made it imperative in my mind to get back here to see them, whether with Lisa Marie and CGA or on my own. I love them too much, and they love me too much, for me to never come back.

Final Day at School

Yesterday was my last day teaching at the school. Amazingly enough, I did not cry, but I think I was able to hold back because I knew I had still had today and tomorrow. On the walk to the slums in the morning, once we came into view, about 10-15 kids came running up to us, screaming "hello". When they reached us, they each grabbed our hands and walked us to the school. It was such a heartwarming moment, I don't know that I have ever felt so loved or important. The classes were amazing, as always. I may have mentioned that the teacher asked me to email him lesson plans for the kids. Back at home we just played for the remainder of the afternoon. I feel like in the last couple days, I have gotten to know the few kids that I didn't know as well. Every day I have a new little boy walk up and say hello and give me a hug. I am absolutely devastated to be leaving them and have already started planning my next trip. (It started as just chaperoning next year's trip, but now I decided I need to come back sooner.

Today we got to play with the kids all day. It had to have been the hottest day we have had yet, which was almost unbearable. I wish I knew the exact temperature, but all I know is we spend every day soaking wet. I felt like everyone was so comfortable and had so much fun today. Tomorrow is just going to be so difficult. We went to a 3 story store today and bought gifts. I bought a few Khmer-English dictionaries for a few of my favorite kids, and little trinkets for our party tomorrow. I also got myself a dictionary so that I can practice while I am at home.

I almost feel guilty that I will be in Cambodia for 5 more days but not seeing the kids. I wish there was some way that I could talk to them while I'm at home. When I write tomorrow there will be a melancholy tone, but I am hoping that I can enjoy and make the most of tomorrow. I absolutely love this place and love each and every one of these kids more than I can explain. I am so sad to be without them.

Cambodia: Forever in my Heart

July 10

Last night, we had a treat, because it was our best day so far. We all went to go see a movie, even Lay and Meng came. We all got big bags of popcorn and sodas. It was really nice to have a night to relax, the movie felt like such a special experience. We had lots of laughs, and I thought it was a really good, fun night.

I am frustrated with a few of the students who I feel are not growing and learning from this trip. Some have improved so much, they are helpful, hard workers and embracing the culture. They are learning so much from every day and are growing into admirable young adults. The kids that are struggling are still stuck in old bad habits and aren’t stepping out of their comfort zone or contributing to the group. Their full potential has yet to been realized, and since the trip is coming to a close I am becoming worried that it will not. 

On a positive note, I am so proud of all the kids in the English classes. They are learning so much and it is so exciting for me. I love going to the school and teaching them. Some classes are just so smart. Meng says that mail is really bad here, which bums me out because I would love to be able to donate or somehow find workbooks for every kid. I asked Meng where the international schools get their teaching supplies, because there is a school on every corner in Phnom Penh. She said there is a director of our school and he chooses the curriculum. The teacher, Sopeak, said that I can write him lesson plans on Facebook and he will teach them to the kids. I will absolutely do this, because the kids are advancing way faster than he can teach. Its nice to know that I can write to the students through him as well. I want to write them at least once a month so that they don’t forget me and know that I have not forgotten them. 

After dinner tonight, Jamie, Lisa Marie and I went across the streets to get massages. I am including this simply because it was the strangest massage experience I have ever had. Three girls led us down a hallway and up a skinny, steep stairwell. Directly at the top of the stairs was a door, and inside were 2 king size beds, separated by a curtain. The girls pushed the beds together and told us to lay down. I crawled into the middle and the girls started with our feel while laughing and giggling up a storm. We couldn’t help but laugh as well! Lisa Marie and her masseuse were hilarious, as the girl kept asking her to add her on Facebook. LMH had them all convinced that she spoke fluent Khmer, so they were very careful what they were saying. The massages were a mixture of Thai massage and deep tissue. Although it was not the most relaxing massage experience I’ve ever had, it was so fun and felt so nice after the last two weeks of hard work.

July 11

The boys house is finished being built. It was painted yesterday and today the beds were bought and moved in. I wasn’t at the orphanage when they boys moved in, but when I came back from the school, they were all playing inside and picking out who would sleep where. Their gigantic smiles were even larger, and immediately they had hooks to hold their bags, dressers organized and photos hanging. They were so grateful it felt so amazing. Tonight will be the first night that many of them have ever slept in a bed.

This morning, I organized the boys clothes donations into piles for all of them. We had so many, we were able to give each boy a few shorts and lots of shirts. After I organized the clothes, I started to bring the boys into the office one by one and have them try on their new clothes. They were so unbelievably excited. I started with the little boys and worked my way up to the oldest boys. There were so many huge smiles! When YoMa came in, he kept saying “ooh”. It was so fun to see how thrilled they were to be getting new clothes. I was so blessed to be giving them all these things, I wish I had even more to give them. 

Jake taught in the school today. He started class by teaching them how to spell animal names. He is very good at making them laugh and making learning fun. I taught the kids  the Macarena the other day, and now it is all they want to do. I think the most fun part for all of us is when they shake their booties. It’s funny how now when they see me in the slums, they start to dance. This trip has gone way to fast, I am not ready to leave. I feel like there so so much more to do and help with. I love each and every one of these kids so much. They are all so amazing. It breaks my heart that they have so little. 

I cannot stop thinking about the living conditions in the slums. It is so unbelievably dirty, so much trash every where, disgusting water stagnant at every turn. Every day I walk to the school, I try to avoid the mud puddles filled with trash. Mothers and children look at you as you pass by through their doorways, doors do not exist. If a child is under the age of 3, they do not where clothes. They run around naked, peeing and pooping in the streets. Some little babies are covered in sores. One thing the slums are not lacking in is smiles and kindness. So many people have invited me into their homes, or offered me food or candy. It seems no one in Cambodia lacks love or compassion. Cambodia is hot, dirty and sometimes smelly, but overall, I absolutely love this country and it’s people. 

Rollercoaster of Emotions

Today was another day full of emotions. I started out in the school with Kevin. We had about 8 younger kids and Kevin decided to teach them about introductions. They were so cute and did so well! They all get so excited when you show them you’re proud of their achievements. Their sweet little voices struggling through greeting themselves, then finally speaking so that a native English speaker can understand them, it’s too precious for words. The second class we taught was only 4 students, and they were way more advanced. We started with a few introductions, then Kevin decided they were advanced enough for vowels, nouns and verbs. Hearing them excel from not knowing what any of these things were, to being able to pick them all out in a sentence, was such an empowering feeling. I cannot explain how proud of them I am. There is no doubt in my mind that they will be able to conquer the English language. 

The afternoon for me was a bit slower than usual. I felt there were so many bodies at the dorm site, so I tried to find different jobs for myself elsewhere. Kevin and I tackled fixing up the shower. Beside the well, there is a little room made of corrugated tin. There is no roof to the shower, and the door has come off its hinges. We made a shelf for the kids to keep their soap off the ground. Tomorrow I will go buy a shower curtain, so that they can have privacy, but not have to deal with moving a door around. We also put hooks inside so that the kids can hang their kromas, or clothes, without anything getting wet. Later on in the day, Rachel and I planned how to tackle the clothesline posts, which keep falling over. There are 4 different clotheslines, but 2 are currently on the ground. I’m not sure how we will secure the poles, but we have considered cement. 

I found a baby chicken today that had a very swollen foot. I’m not sure if it’s broken or what, but he was hopping on one foot trying to keep up with his siblings and mom. The hen clearly was not concerned about him, so I spent quite a bit of time trying to put him in a safe place away from the Tony’s (the 4 male dogs that live at the orphanage). Eventually, Jamie and I taped a cotton ball to the bottom of his foot, which surprisingly seemed to give him enough cushion to be able to step and keep up with his family. I am really praying that he does not get eaten tonight, and that maybe the swelling will go down with the help of the cotton ball. 

At the end of the day, Meng, Rachel, Jamie and I went into the slums to hand out supply bags. I have walked into the slums every day to go to the library or school, but I had no idea how huge it was until today. We walked through a maze of tin buildings, random pieces of wood nailed here and there. The ground is a deep green color, covered in mold, contamination and trash. Since it has been raining so much, there are huge puddles everywhere. The first day I was so worried about getting any of this filthy “water” on my feet, but now, I’m just happy if I don’t completely submerge in it. The amount of trash on the ground is horrendous. I just don’t understand how people could litter so much that you are literally only walking on garbage. For the most part I feel that I have grown accustomed to the stinks in the slums, but every now and again we would round a corner and I would be floored by the sickening scent. Once again, completely blown away at how people live. There were portions of the trip where we were walking precariously on concrete sewage lines, or single 2x4’s. Ever step I prayed that I would not fall in. We were even vigorously told to turn around at one point, because the path ahead would most likely collapse underneath us. Once people figured out we were carrying supplies, our translator Meng would be bombarded by women telling her their stories and why they deserved a bag. We passed some houses with the oldest, most brittle people I have ever seen alive. They would give us big toothy grins and bow their heads in Namaste. One woman we gave supplies to was mentally disabled. She couldn’t speak, could hardly walk, and was mother to two young children. I hate to think about how she came to have those children, because she seems hardly fit to care for herself, and there was clearly no father in the picture. Almost every house we gave supplies to, the people would invite us in, or offer us food. I was so touched and humbled by this generosity. Here these people lived in a shack about 12x12, with a dirt floor and no doors, one bed for a family of 5, yet they were offering the little rice they had to us, complete strangers. It made me think about how many excuses we come up with, “I haven’t cleaned my house in months, I’ll invite you over when I do!” “Oh, I have hardly anything for dinner, next time I go grocery shopping you can come over!” If we really want to spend time with someone, or we are really thankful, all we have to do is express that, because honestly, that expression and genuine thought is really all that should matter. 

I gave Srey Tok my mala bracelet today. I have been thinking about what kids I have felt most connected with and what to give them, so they will always have a piece of me. I think she has really started to become attached to me because I cared for her when she had dengue fever. She is so beautiful and such a sweet loving little girl. I am going to miss her so so much, I don’t even want to think about it. I also gave my “peace” necklace to Srey Pi. She always has the biggest smile on her face. It makes my day when she walks up to me, smiling, puts her arms around me and gives me a big fat kiss on the lips. At first I was a little weirded out, but then I realized that she just really wants to see me smile and likes to have my approval. I believe she is 15 and I wish I could take her home and be there for her through every struggle she may overcome. That is something that has been worrying me lately, the fact that I will not be able to communicate with these kids once I leave. I can’t call them on the phone to ask how their day is. They can’t email me if they are sad, or scared, or have questions about anything. I don’t like the idea of not being able to hear from them or about them. I think I will give them my email just in case, who knows, maybe they will have access to a computer in the next year. Maybe their teacher, Sopeak, will let them use his computer to write me a message. I will have to ask Lisa Marie if they can receive handwritten mail as well, so I can send them things. I shouldn’t think about any of this yet, I need to just enjoy the moments I have with them right now.

a glimpse of the trip

Forever in my Heart

After a mere 5 days at the orphanage, I am already getting anxiety regarding leaving in a week. I don't know how to explain how these kids have become so important to me in such a short period of time, but there is no doubt in my mind that I love each and every one of them. Today, I kept having kids that I have yet to get to know come up to me saying my name. It's so cute how they repeat it over and over again until they know they have the pronunciation correct. It was an extremely fun day because none of the kids had school, so they were all home all day. We got to watch their dance practice, listen to Sopheak teach other students the violin, and play more than normal. All kids are good at inventing games and ways to keep themselves occupied, but to see kids who have never watched tv or held a video game, they truly have a different type of imagination. The boys have a marble game that, although we sat watching for about 30 minutes, Jamie and I could not figure it out.

We are slowly learning their little personalities and beginning to really get to know each and every one of them. Poor Nyron has a huge cut on his foot that Jamie cleaned the other day. Today he was limping and I noticed that his foot was so swollen and infected. He is a little hellion, yet when he needed to be washed and cleaned, he sits still and behaves so well. Yo Ma has to be 4 or 5, but he likes to think he is a big boy. He copies everything the older boys do, and he likes to boss around the kids his age. Srey Na, as much as I adore her, is kind of a brat. I've seen her be snobby to the other girls. She has a little attitude, she has this cold aire about her. She is going to be absolutely beautiful when she gets older.  Srey Tok is starting to recover from her Dengue Fever and getting her personality back. She is so precious and sweet, I love her smile and how much she likes to cuddle and be held. I wish I could buy Srey Pi a ticket to come home with me. She is so beautiful and sweet, and she is so funny. She's a people pleaser and I have no doubt in my mind that she will make so many people happy in her life. I want her to experience everything life has to offer. Little LiLi was much more friendly today. She must be getting used to seeing my face because she has started to let me hold her, and she gives me little smiles and plays peekaboo with me.

This morning, Jamie and I took a group of students to the Russian Market to buy food for the kids. It was inside and super crowded, the smells were horrendous. Dead animals and meat was hanging from the ceilings, bowls of fish and shrimp sat out in the open. I was very disturbed by the way that the fish were still alive, flopping around and slowly suffocating. I think I will go back to being a vegetarian after visiting the market. I just need some time to forget the grossness that I saw. There are so many new fruits I want to try though. I don't know what they are, but I'm going to need to start buying them and eating them before we leave.

We gave manicures today which was super fun. Everyone, boys and girls, were so excited to have their hands cleaned and massaged. We even got Chean to sit down and get pampered! I helped her out in the kitchen the last few days, which was cool, but it was disturbing to me how unclean everything is. Even after the kids scrubbed the counters, there are just so many flies and so much dirt, its hard to keep the area clean. We have made so many great little improvements around the orphanage. Of course, we are building the boy's dorm, but we have also gotten them a nice water filter, a plastic cup for each one of the kids, as well as deloused them and given them their own personal lice shampoo. Meng is going to continue to come visit them once a month to make sure that they are keeping up on chores and keeping everything clean and functioning just like we are going to leave it. I am already planning to come back next year, but I want to stay longer, because this just isn't enough time.

My love for Cambodia is growing, despite the lack of modern amenities and cleanliness, it is somewhere I will always come back to.

Happiest People on the Planet

The Cambodian people are the happiest, sweetest people I have ever met. I don't know how to explain it, but every single person I have met, or seen turns into the most beautiful person when they smile. I am in complete awe of them. I spent the morning at the orphanage drawing and playing with the kids. I would draw a picture or write a word and they would copy it. Srey Neit sat in my lap and we soon attracted a large group. Lavin started to teach me how to write in Khmer. After lunch we spent some time digging up the spot for the boy's dorm. I then went to teach at the school. The school is my favorite place so far. The students are so cute and try so hard. They are so eager to learn!!

Day 3.
My body hurts so badly today. I don't know if it is from hoeing or something else. I am at the school again this morning. All the girls came over and surrounded me. Then wrote their names in my notebook for me. Some had to ask their teacher how to spell their names in English. They make me so happy it's hard to explain. I don't ever want to leave them.

Kevin and I helped the teacher and librarian with their English pronunciation. It's sweet, the teacher gave me some of the tests and things he is teaching to make sure that it is proper English. Everyone wants to learn so badly. My sweet little girl Srey Tok hasn't been feeling well and today we learned she has Dengue Fever. The doctor came and gave her an IV but she has been sleeping the last few days. It makes me so sad and worried. I read her Dr. Seuss, and then she read the entire book back to me again. It was so amazing! She did such a wonderful job, and it wasn't just memorization like a lot of the kids have, she was actually sounding out words and reading. I picked out a few more advanced books for Lavin and Srey Neath. They are both quite good at English, and Lavin has pretty much maxed out at his current English school. I want to send then more books and workbooks to continue learning. I also want to send the teacher, Sopheak, some books so that he can continue to learn, and therefore be able to teach the kids more.

In the afternoon, I worked in the downstairs of the library in the slums, which is more like a daycare. It is crazy how the kids just want to be loved. They crawl in your lap and hold your hand, they just want to be held and hugged. At one point I had 4 kids crawling all over me. At one point, the thought crossed my mind that I shouldn't let them get so close to me, for sanitary reasons, but then I realized I really didn't care. I have definitely started to get favorites in the kids, I want to fly Srey Pi out to visit me, she is so amazing and sweet. I'm done for, I am officially in love with each and every one of these kids. My life will never be the same, and there is no way I can live without them.

First Day in Cambodia

After 40 hours of traveling spent in either an airport or an airplane, we finally arrived to humid Cambodia. We struggled to get through visa applications and customs, then piled all 12 people and 22 bags into a van, and off we went. Our guest house is cute, we hike up 3 flights of stairs to get to our room, and we all eat on the roof, another floor up. The next morning we woke up and met our tuk tuk drivers, Lay and Boo Phat. Our translator, Meng, is absolutely wonderful. She quizzes us on our Khmer, which is less than impressive, and we make our way to the Toul Sleng prison. It was very emotional going to the prison. I had watched a movie on it before coming, but being in the rooms where so many innocent people had been tortured and killed was hard. There were photos and details of everything hanging in every room. It was such a shock to be there in person, my stomach started turning with every new story.

Next we headed off to the Killing Fields. The streets here are so crowded. Everywhere, there are mopeds with families of 4 zooming by. Tiny babies sit in the laps of their parents, or 2 or 3 kids sit behind their dad holding on tight. The sides of the streets are bustling with items for sale; food, clothing and gasoline. Trying to cope with the brutal experiences of Toul Sleng was rough, but being at the Killing Fields was even harder. Although beautiful, it was a horrifying place. It was so green and full of flowers and life, however you could see the indents in the ground that represented the mass graves hidden underneath. Knowing that we were walking on the places so many people were executed was sickening. I literally walked around prepared to duck around a corner to throw up.

After the rough morning, we headed out to the orphanage. I was numb, my brain and emotional being had shut down. When we arrived, the kids came rushing out to greet us. I still felt uncomfortable, so I held back a bit. My Khmer is nonexistent, so I didn't really try to communicate with the kids past a smile. The orphanage was different than I had expected. It is a giant lean too, with only 3 walls. Since the girls now have a dorm built by CGA, it is only the boys and the caretakers that sleep here. After getting a lay of the land, LMH suggested I come to the slums with her for a home visit. We walked around the corner and found ourselves in streets of mud and trash. There were corrugated tin buildings on both sides with no doors or windows. We finally came to Lavin & Srey Neath's house and Srey Neath rushed me to the back to wash my feet (I tripped in mud). We then walked back into the kitchen/bedroom and Meng translated the dad's story. The kid's mom had died recently, leaving the dad with 4 kids, the youngest being about 1. He is unable to support them, so the oldest three live and eat at the orphanage. While sitting and listening to their story, a small boy with no front teeth passed the front door and we exchanged a smile. He then bolted into the room and started holding my hands and playing hand games with me. Something about him shifted me back to reality. Upon going back to the orphanage, I was back to myself. The rain started pouring down and we all played and got soaking wet. It was by far the most fun, rewarding day I could have possibly asked for. When we got home, the only thing I had energy for was to eat and go to bed.

Overwhelmed

I have so much to write. So much to tell about. Every day we are working 8-5 at the orphanage. My eyes are heavy and my body is weak.... Soon I will share my stories!!! For now, here is my little angel Srey Neah....

First leg of travel

So far so good!! I was super stressed and nervous on the way to the airport today but as soon as we got checked in I felt immediate relief. Side note, by "today" I meant June 30th. However, "today" for me at this moment means 5:30am July 2nd. July 1st? That date doesn't exist for me this year. All the kids have been great so far. I think everyone slept the entire flight from Vegas to Seoul or pretty close to it. I apparently slept through dinner. We are currently waiting for the airport lounges to open so that we can go shower and such. I'm really excited for this adventure. The sun is starting to rise in Seoul. I saw the sunrise 3 times during this trip, which blows my mind. It's very rainy and foggy this morning. I feel like there is so much going on and so much to take in. So much I want to relay! I still can't believe I'm in Asia. 

Denver to Seoul

Huge plane!!!

Saw so many sunrises today....

Breakfast: green tea rice pudding, melon,and ginger

NOT our seats....