We Are All The Same.

I have been gone from home for 53 days. Quite a few horrible things have happened since I have been gone. A bombing in Baghdad, an airport shooting in Istanbul, a shooting in Nice and five shootings in the United States. 

There seems to be a great deal of blame, lack of responsibility and misunderstanding. 

Religion and race are being generalized, reactions are made without thought, and everyone thinks they know the answers. 

People refuse to see the grey between the black and white. 

Over the last two months, I have had the pleasure of being a minority. I have been treated with love and respect by people of different religions and ethnicities. I have connected with Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus and Christians over the basic principles of humanity. 

When we strip away the labels and classifications we have given ourselves, one truth remains. 

We are all human. 

We have the same needs to survive. We have the same thoughts, feelings and desires. We all deserve the same rights. 

The outside environments and situations create our differences. 

These differences, and our ideas about what they may or may not mean, are what create the belief that we are better or worse than others. 

As humans, we like to believe that we are greater than animals. We are smarter, more sophisticated and more civilized. 

But are we?

Different species of animals co-exist in their environments. Together, they achieve what is needed to survive. There is harmony in life and death in the Animal Kingdom. 

Why is it that we, as one intelligent species, cannot live in harmony with our own kind?

Why is it so many choose to place blame, guilt, and shame on others, instead of improving ourselves?

The problems of the World are not the World’s problems. 

The problems of the World are personal problems that the individuals have chosen to ignore. Instead of looking inward and identifying our fears, inadequacies, pains and frustrations (as well as their sources); we choose to react outwardly. We choose to blame our parents, partners, societies, God and the things we do not understand. 

Take responsibility for your actions, behaviors, feelings and thoughts. Don’t let the negative fester. Let go of the pain, guilt, blame and fear that controls you. Fill that now empty space with love. Love for others and yourself. With peace; peace of what was, what is, and what will be, despite you. Remove your own inner conflict; your need for pain, fear, excuse, defense and anger. With all that gone from inside you, you will no longer project such things. You will no longer react to such things, although they may still be around you…. But, by ceasing to partake in the cycle, you have begun a small revolution… This minute action will consume your body and your mind. It is as contagious; powerful and infinite.

What epidemic would you choose to spread? 

Pain, anger, fear and blame? 

Or peace, love, understanding and compassion? 

Every day you make this choice within you. 

Every day you spread an epidemic. 

It is your choice what you spread within your world.

My whole life I have loved kids. I started babysitting when I was 10 years old. I want to be a mom some day and I definitely want to adopt. I was lucky enough to be raised by great parents who did the best they could for my sister and I. There was never and still is never a moment where I feel unloved.

On these trips, the hardest stories are not the stories of children who's parents have passed away. The hardest stories are of the children who's parents willingly leave them behind.

There are siblings at the orphanage named Srey Na, Srey Neath and SokHeng. Srey Na and Srey Neath are the most beautiful girls. They sing well, are humorous and sweet. They can also be very somber; and you would be too if your parents dropped you at an orphanage. SokHeng is the most precious boy; big ears, goofy grin and such a lover. Last year, their half brother was also at the orphanage. Pan Ya was about one and was left with the others because mom was pregnant again (3rd dad) and didn't want to take care of them. I met her once last year, she came to our celebration party dressed inappropriately and ate the food intended for the kids. Fast forward to this year. She has taken Pan Ya back, and she sold her 5th baby for $1200. Rumor has it she came to the orphanage shortly after, wearing new gold jewelry. I don't know where their father is, but SokHeng proudly showed me a photo of him once. He looks just like him.

There is a family that lives nearby that I have known for years. There are nine children, so the younger kids live at the orphanage while the older kids live at home. The oldest son is married with one child and another on the way. The second oldest son has a 9 month old boy named Dom. He is the most precious, even tempered baby. Unfortunately, both mom and dad are drug addicts of some sort and so Dom has been taken away and is being cared for by Grandma and his uncles. Throughout the day, Dom is passed from one relative to another, and I grab him whenever I can. His Grandpa asked me to take him back to America with me, but Grandma isn't too keen on that plan. Although Dom's dad hardly notices him when he walks by, Pou Rath and Pou Niroon give him lots of Cambodian style love.

Today I spent a lot of time in the village of Andong. Per usual, I attracted attention from local children; wanting my bracelets, to know my name, to practice counting and touch my hair. As I sat there, I received an occasional glance from an adult gambling nearby. The children continued to warm up to me and began to climb on my lap and on my back. I went back to the orphanage for lunch and ensured them I would return, which I did an hour later.

There was one baby in particular who was about 18 month, running around completely naked. He crawled up onto my lap, wrapped his arms and legs around me and nuzzled his head into my chest. The other children kept pointing to his ears and one girl brought me a pack of Q-tips. I cleaned his ears, which were oozing liquid, and gave him some water, then he nuzzled back in, falling asleep. I sat there for what seemed like hours, with this child on my chest, thinking how strange it was that we were here together.
Did he have parents?
Where were they?
When was his last meal, bath, hug?
How desperate was this poor boy for love that he would cling to a complete stranger?
Eventually, another little girl of about five walked up and started to pull the boy off me. He started screaming and crying, holding on to me tightly. The adults around the card tables started to stare and I let the girl pull the baby off me. A white woman clinging to a naked slum baby seemed like a bad situation. The girl drug the baby over to the women's gambling table and a woman picked him up and pulled him close, as the screaming and flailing continued.

She looked over at me, cold and expressionless; I looked back, my sunglasses hiding the tears pooling in my eyes.

I am not a mother, and I may never be. I do not think it is an easy duty and the responsibilities last a lifetime. To bring a child into a world of already so much pain and sadness, and not do everything in your power to create a loving, safe upbringing seems unforgivable. My heart breaks for the unloved.

Bracelets

The children at the orphanage have small rubber bracelets that they use as prizes for games and contests. A child with a  lot of bracelets is repeat winner in the group. These are prized possessions, and the children have started giving them away to us as gifts.

Although a wrist of rubber is seen as a status symbol, they are tight and catch on your arm hairs. For us, there is little personal joy in a wrist full of bracelets; the joy is in giving them back to the kids. To see a face light up when receiving a bracelet is a metaphor for so many things.

How much do we have that is not valued or special to us?
Do we hang on to it for status?
To prove we have it?
To impress people or seem more important than we are?

To these children, these bracelets are currency, yet without thinking twice, they give them to us in bunches. They have so little and are so generous.
What if we gave so freely? Their generosity inspires more generosity. A ripple effect of selfless giving. If children in the slums of Cambodia can give away their most prized possession, even if it is only a bracelet, I think we can all do so much more than we do.

Start small, just one bracelet, and see where it leads.

Cambodia, my safe place.

My fourth time at Toul Sleng prison. I don't feel it necessary to go inside the buildings anymore. I listen to the audio tour; some facts familiar, some new. The sense of sickness doesn't consume me here anymore. A calm and remembrance is more accurate. It is not a lack of respect or numbness, it is an acceptance. I do not need to see the horrors again, now is my time to reflect on how I will do all I can do to make the world a better place. My heart breaks to see older people at S-21 and the Killing Fields. They are returning to the places their family and friends were killed and tortured. Returning to a place of such pain and sadness. Perhaps these places have become a place of calm and sanctuary to them as it has become to me? There is such silence and tranquility here now. The only noises are the birds and crickets communicating, the soft footsteps of visitors paying respects. To me, these moments are moments of reflection. A place to choose; am I going to take every possible chance to better myself and cause a ripple effect into every life I touch? Am I going to recognize that every action I take will have a reaction? What legacy will I leave?

The students in my tuk tuk left S-21 impacted. They were horrified, shocked and at the same time, inspired. Inspired to learn from the tragedies and mistakes of the past and go forth as a knowledgable light to others. As we go into our first day at the school and orphanage, our student volunteers are on fire to make a difference, one moment at a time.