After a mere 5 days at the orphanage, I am already getting anxiety regarding leaving in a week. I don't know how to explain how these kids have become so important to me in such a short period of time, but there is no doubt in my mind that I love each and every one of them. Today, I kept having kids that I have yet to get to know come up to me saying my name. It's so cute how they repeat it over and over again until they know they have the pronunciation correct. It was an extremely fun day because none of the kids had school, so they were all home all day. We got to watch their dance practice, listen to Sopheak teach other students the violin, and play more than normal. All kids are good at inventing games and ways to keep themselves occupied, but to see kids who have never watched tv or held a video game, they truly have a different type of imagination. The boys have a marble game that, although we sat watching for about 30 minutes, Jamie and I could not figure it out.
We are slowly learning their little personalities and beginning to really get to know each and every one of them. Poor Nyron has a huge cut on his foot that Jamie cleaned the other day. Today he was limping and I noticed that his foot was so swollen and infected. He is a little hellion, yet when he needed to be washed and cleaned, he sits still and behaves so well. Yo Ma has to be 4 or 5, but he likes to think he is a big boy. He copies everything the older boys do, and he likes to boss around the kids his age. Srey Na, as much as I adore her, is kind of a brat. I've seen her be snobby to the other girls. She has a little attitude, she has this cold aire about her. She is going to be absolutely beautiful when she gets older. Srey Tok is starting to recover from her Dengue Fever and getting her personality back. She is so precious and sweet, I love her smile and how much she likes to cuddle and be held. I wish I could buy Srey Pi a ticket to come home with me. She is so beautiful and sweet, and she is so funny. She's a people pleaser and I have no doubt in my mind that she will make so many people happy in her life. I want her to experience everything life has to offer. Little LiLi was much more friendly today. She must be getting used to seeing my face because she has started to let me hold her, and she gives me little smiles and plays peekaboo with me.
This morning, Jamie and I took a group of students to the Russian Market to buy food for the kids. It was inside and super crowded, the smells were horrendous. Dead animals and meat was hanging from the ceilings, bowls of fish and shrimp sat out in the open. I was very disturbed by the way that the fish were still alive, flopping around and slowly suffocating. I think I will go back to being a vegetarian after visiting the market. I just need some time to forget the grossness that I saw. There are so many new fruits I want to try though. I don't know what they are, but I'm going to need to start buying them and eating them before we leave.
We gave manicures today which was super fun. Everyone, boys and girls, were so excited to have their hands cleaned and massaged. We even got Chean to sit down and get pampered! I helped her out in the kitchen the last few days, which was cool, but it was disturbing to me how unclean everything is. Even after the kids scrubbed the counters, there are just so many flies and so much dirt, its hard to keep the area clean. We have made so many great little improvements around the orphanage. Of course, we are building the boy's dorm, but we have also gotten them a nice water filter, a plastic cup for each one of the kids, as well as deloused them and given them their own personal lice shampoo. Meng is going to continue to come visit them once a month to make sure that they are keeping up on chores and keeping everything clean and functioning just like we are going to leave it. I am already planning to come back next year, but I want to stay longer, because this just isn't enough time.
My love for Cambodia is growing, despite the lack of modern amenities and cleanliness, it is somewhere I will always come back to.
7.07.2013
7.05.2013
Happiest People on the Planet
The Cambodian people are the happiest, sweetest people I have ever met. I don't know how to explain it, but every single person I have met, or seen turns into the most beautiful person when they smile. I am in complete awe of them. I spent the morning at the orphanage drawing and playing with the kids. I would draw a picture or write a word and they would copy it. Srey Neit sat in my lap and we soon attracted a large group. Lavin started to teach me how to write in Khmer. After lunch we spent some time digging up the spot for the boy's dorm. I then went to teach at the school. The school is my favorite place so far. The students are so cute and try so hard. They are so eager to learn!!
Day 3.
My body hurts so badly today. I don't know if it is from hoeing or something else. I am at the school again this morning. All the girls came over and surrounded me. Then wrote their names in my notebook for me. Some had to ask their teacher how to spell their names in English. They make me so happy it's hard to explain. I don't ever want to leave them.
Kevin and I helped the teacher and librarian with their English pronunciation. It's sweet, the teacher gave me some of the tests and things he is teaching to make sure that it is proper English. Everyone wants to learn so badly. My sweet little girl Srey Tok hasn't been feeling well and today we learned she has Dengue Fever. The doctor came and gave her an IV but she has been sleeping the last few days. It makes me so sad and worried. I read her Dr. Seuss, and then she read the entire book back to me again. It was so amazing! She did such a wonderful job, and it wasn't just memorization like a lot of the kids have, she was actually sounding out words and reading. I picked out a few more advanced books for Lavin and Srey Neath. They are both quite good at English, and Lavin has pretty much maxed out at his current English school. I want to send then more books and workbooks to continue learning. I also want to send the teacher, Sopheak, some books so that he can continue to learn, and therefore be able to teach the kids more.
In the afternoon, I worked in the downstairs of the library in the slums, which is more like a daycare. It is crazy how the kids just want to be loved. They crawl in your lap and hold your hand, they just want to be held and hugged. At one point I had 4 kids crawling all over me. At one point, the thought crossed my mind that I shouldn't let them get so close to me, for sanitary reasons, but then I realized I really didn't care. I have definitely started to get favorites in the kids, I want to fly Srey Pi out to visit me, she is so amazing and sweet. I'm done for, I am officially in love with each and every one of these kids. My life will never be the same, and there is no way I can live without them.
Day 3.
My body hurts so badly today. I don't know if it is from hoeing or something else. I am at the school again this morning. All the girls came over and surrounded me. Then wrote their names in my notebook for me. Some had to ask their teacher how to spell their names in English. They make me so happy it's hard to explain. I don't ever want to leave them.
Kevin and I helped the teacher and librarian with their English pronunciation. It's sweet, the teacher gave me some of the tests and things he is teaching to make sure that it is proper English. Everyone wants to learn so badly. My sweet little girl Srey Tok hasn't been feeling well and today we learned she has Dengue Fever. The doctor came and gave her an IV but she has been sleeping the last few days. It makes me so sad and worried. I read her Dr. Seuss, and then she read the entire book back to me again. It was so amazing! She did such a wonderful job, and it wasn't just memorization like a lot of the kids have, she was actually sounding out words and reading. I picked out a few more advanced books for Lavin and Srey Neath. They are both quite good at English, and Lavin has pretty much maxed out at his current English school. I want to send then more books and workbooks to continue learning. I also want to send the teacher, Sopheak, some books so that he can continue to learn, and therefore be able to teach the kids more.
In the afternoon, I worked in the downstairs of the library in the slums, which is more like a daycare. It is crazy how the kids just want to be loved. They crawl in your lap and hold your hand, they just want to be held and hugged. At one point I had 4 kids crawling all over me. At one point, the thought crossed my mind that I shouldn't let them get so close to me, for sanitary reasons, but then I realized I really didn't care. I have definitely started to get favorites in the kids, I want to fly Srey Pi out to visit me, she is so amazing and sweet. I'm done for, I am officially in love with each and every one of these kids. My life will never be the same, and there is no way I can live without them.
First Day in Cambodia
After 40 hours of traveling spent in either an airport or an airplane, we finally arrived to humid Cambodia. We struggled to get through visa applications and customs, then piled all 12 people and 22 bags into a van, and off we went. Our guest house is cute, we hike up 3 flights of stairs to get to our room, and we all eat on the roof, another floor up. The next morning we woke up and met our tuk tuk drivers, Lay and Boo Phat. Our translator, Meng, is absolutely wonderful. She quizzes us on our Khmer, which is less than impressive, and we make our way to the Toul Sleng prison. It was very emotional going to the prison. I had watched a movie on it before coming, but being in the rooms where so many innocent people had been tortured and killed was hard. There were photos and details of everything hanging in every room. It was such a shock to be there in person, my stomach started turning with every new story.
Next we headed off to the Killing Fields. The streets here are so crowded. Everywhere, there are mopeds with families of 4 zooming by. Tiny babies sit in the laps of their parents, or 2 or 3 kids sit behind their dad holding on tight. The sides of the streets are bustling with items for sale; food, clothing and gasoline. Trying to cope with the brutal experiences of Toul Sleng was rough, but being at the Killing Fields was even harder. Although beautiful, it was a horrifying place. It was so green and full of flowers and life, however you could see the indents in the ground that represented the mass graves hidden underneath. Knowing that we were walking on the places so many people were executed was sickening. I literally walked around prepared to duck around a corner to throw up.
After the rough morning, we headed out to the orphanage. I was numb, my brain and emotional being had shut down. When we arrived, the kids came rushing out to greet us. I still felt uncomfortable, so I held back a bit. My Khmer is nonexistent, so I didn't really try to communicate with the kids past a smile. The orphanage was different than I had expected. It is a giant lean too, with only 3 walls. Since the girls now have a dorm built by CGA, it is only the boys and the caretakers that sleep here. After getting a lay of the land, LMH suggested I come to the slums with her for a home visit. We walked around the corner and found ourselves in streets of mud and trash. There were corrugated tin buildings on both sides with no doors or windows. We finally came to Lavin & Srey Neath's house and Srey Neath rushed me to the back to wash my feet (I tripped in mud). We then walked back into the kitchen/bedroom and Meng translated the dad's story. The kid's mom had died recently, leaving the dad with 4 kids, the youngest being about 1. He is unable to support them, so the oldest three live and eat at the orphanage. While sitting and listening to their story, a small boy with no front teeth passed the front door and we exchanged a smile. He then bolted into the room and started holding my hands and playing hand games with me. Something about him shifted me back to reality. Upon going back to the orphanage, I was back to myself. The rain started pouring down and we all played and got soaking wet. It was by far the most fun, rewarding day I could have possibly asked for. When we got home, the only thing I had energy for was to eat and go to bed.
Next we headed off to the Killing Fields. The streets here are so crowded. Everywhere, there are mopeds with families of 4 zooming by. Tiny babies sit in the laps of their parents, or 2 or 3 kids sit behind their dad holding on tight. The sides of the streets are bustling with items for sale; food, clothing and gasoline. Trying to cope with the brutal experiences of Toul Sleng was rough, but being at the Killing Fields was even harder. Although beautiful, it was a horrifying place. It was so green and full of flowers and life, however you could see the indents in the ground that represented the mass graves hidden underneath. Knowing that we were walking on the places so many people were executed was sickening. I literally walked around prepared to duck around a corner to throw up.
After the rough morning, we headed out to the orphanage. I was numb, my brain and emotional being had shut down. When we arrived, the kids came rushing out to greet us. I still felt uncomfortable, so I held back a bit. My Khmer is nonexistent, so I didn't really try to communicate with the kids past a smile. The orphanage was different than I had expected. It is a giant lean too, with only 3 walls. Since the girls now have a dorm built by CGA, it is only the boys and the caretakers that sleep here. After getting a lay of the land, LMH suggested I come to the slums with her for a home visit. We walked around the corner and found ourselves in streets of mud and trash. There were corrugated tin buildings on both sides with no doors or windows. We finally came to Lavin & Srey Neath's house and Srey Neath rushed me to the back to wash my feet (I tripped in mud). We then walked back into the kitchen/bedroom and Meng translated the dad's story. The kid's mom had died recently, leaving the dad with 4 kids, the youngest being about 1. He is unable to support them, so the oldest three live and eat at the orphanage. While sitting and listening to their story, a small boy with no front teeth passed the front door and we exchanged a smile. He then bolted into the room and started holding my hands and playing hand games with me. Something about him shifted me back to reality. Upon going back to the orphanage, I was back to myself. The rain started pouring down and we all played and got soaking wet. It was by far the most fun, rewarding day I could have possibly asked for. When we got home, the only thing I had energy for was to eat and go to bed.
7.04.2013
Overwhelmed
I have so much to write. So much to tell about. Every day we are working 8-5 at the orphanage. My eyes are heavy and my body is weak.... Soon I will share my stories!!! For now, here is my little angel Srey Neah....
7.01.2013
First leg of travel
So far so good!! I was super stressed and nervous on the way to the airport today but as soon as we got checked in I felt immediate relief. Side note, by "today" I meant June 30th. However, "today" for me at this moment means 5:30am July 2nd. July 1st? That date doesn't exist for me this year. All the kids have been great so far. I think everyone slept the entire flight from Vegas to Seoul or pretty close to it. I apparently slept through dinner. We are currently waiting for the airport lounges to open so that we can go shower and such. I'm really excited for this adventure. The sun is starting to rise in Seoul. I saw the sunrise 3 times during this trip, which blows my mind. It's very rainy and foggy this morning. I feel like there is so much going on and so much to take in. So much I want to relay! I still can't believe I'm in Asia.
Denver to Seoul
Saw so many sunrises today....
NOT our seats....
6.18.2013
12 Day Countdown...
I'm not going to lie... The last few weeks have been very unnerving. I am so excited to go to Cambodia, but I have begun to get more and more nervous. I am nervous about how I will be able to cope with the things I will see, the poverty, the living conditions, the remnants left by the Khmer Rouge. It will be such a shock and a difficult adjustment to make at first. I am also nervous about how I will cope with coming back to the Vail Valley, a place where play and toys and status are quite prominent, where the majority of the community has never seen such harsh and brutal conditions. I just hope I can give my best and help out in every possible way, and grow from every experience and interaction.
I finished my 200 hr Yoga Teacher Training a few weeks ago, and I learned so many tools to hopefully use while I am in Cambodia. I am so excited to share these tools with both the kids coming with me to Cambodia and the kids that live there.
Here are a few tidbits that I can't wait to share and utilize!!
1. Do your best- Accept where you're at.
2. Drop all judgements.
3. Honesty & Openness is key
4. Listen Generously
5. Commit to Growth
6. Be prepared: Be ready for anything.
7. Respect everything and everyone
8. Be a stand for others. Support
9. Clear Communication
10. BE A YES!!!
Come from ABOVE THE LINE:
LOVE
TRUST
WONDER
FORGIVENESS
COMMITMENT
CREATION
ACCEPTANCE
CHOICE
HUMOR
FAITH
GENEROSITY
DISCERNMENT
My Declarations about Myself:
I am strong.
I am compassionate.
I am passionate.
I am love.
I am adventurous.
I am loyal.
I am inspiring.
I am spontaneous.
I am independent.
I am free.
Being of Service:
connection
compassion
sharing your spirit
holding space for someone else
meet equally- not from sympathy, "how can I support you?" not "how can I help you?"
what is my gift to share?
I COMMIT TO BRINGING MY HIGHEST SELF TO CAMBODIA FOR THE CAMBODIANS I WILL MEET, THE AMERICANS I AM GOING WITH AND MYSELF. I COMMIT TO BEING WITH WHAT IS, TO EMBRACING EVERY LESSON, EMBRACING EVERY EMOTION AND ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL AND GROW FROM EVERY EXPERIENCE.
I finished my 200 hr Yoga Teacher Training a few weeks ago, and I learned so many tools to hopefully use while I am in Cambodia. I am so excited to share these tools with both the kids coming with me to Cambodia and the kids that live there.
Here are a few tidbits that I can't wait to share and utilize!!
1. Do your best- Accept where you're at.
2. Drop all judgements.
3. Honesty & Openness is key
4. Listen Generously
5. Commit to Growth
6. Be prepared: Be ready for anything.
7. Respect everything and everyone
8. Be a stand for others. Support
9. Clear Communication
10. BE A YES!!!
Come from ABOVE THE LINE:
LOVE
TRUST
WONDER
FORGIVENESS
COMMITMENT
CREATION
ACCEPTANCE
CHOICE
HUMOR
FAITH
GENEROSITY
DISCERNMENT
My Declarations about Myself:
I am strong.
I am compassionate.
I am passionate.
I am love.
I am adventurous.
I am loyal.
I am inspiring.
I am spontaneous.
I am independent.
I am free.
Being of Service:
connection
compassion
sharing your spirit
holding space for someone else
meet equally- not from sympathy, "how can I support you?" not "how can I help you?"
what is my gift to share?
I COMMIT TO BRINGING MY HIGHEST SELF TO CAMBODIA FOR THE CAMBODIANS I WILL MEET, THE AMERICANS I AM GOING WITH AND MYSELF. I COMMIT TO BEING WITH WHAT IS, TO EMBRACING EVERY LESSON, EMBRACING EVERY EMOTION AND ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL AND GROW FROM EVERY EXPERIENCE.
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